Wednesday, June 21, 2006
force a smile; fake a laugh.agh. i cant stand it. somebody just shoot me. somethings in life are just so hard to put away. i feel like screaming it all out. everything that i had to bear with. everything i had to keep. but somehow i just cant. it still haunts me. from the inside.
its already been so darn long. its like. after you put it far behind, something just comes up and reminds you of it.
theres nobody i can talk to this about. when i turn to god. somehow he gives me this feeling that everything is alright. but after that it just comes back again. and again. and again. theres just something really wrong with me. my bad moments are always much longer then my good moments. but when my good times finally come. i dont cherish it enough. i deserve to be shot dammit. ha-ha. wheres my faith now?
and the worst thing. i think and think and think. and i screw myself up. even now im having a headache. and it seems to be getting worse. i dont feel like talking to anything that replies now.
fuck me.ugh.i look around. i see it everywhere. on blogs. in school. everywhere. most of my friends. heh. oh but nooooo. mine is just different. just read darrens blog. wow. thats one hell of a story. wanna hear mine? i think its longer. its not like. i did anything wrong? oh. i meant. nobody does anything wrong. too bad i dont take lit or i can write a story too darren. and everyone will be like wowsers. but hell. i dont care what everyone thinks. i just know i have to get myself together. just rip all of these thoughts out of my mind. my heads killing me. ugh. gonna go.
but somehow.
youre just some kind of wonderful.
Tralalala.
